more to ponder..

There are times I feel like looking at you in the eyes...There are times I feel like holding you in my arms...There are times I feel like running my fingers through your hair...There are times I feel like hearing your voice...There are times I feel like listening to your lame jokes...There are times I feel like holding your hands and feel your heartbeat...There are times I feel like putting my arms on your shoulder and admiring your expression when you're trying to tell me something important...There are times I feel like cooking a nice meal for you while I suck at it...There are times I feel like hearing you exhale next to me...There are times I feel like lying next to you under the stars...There are times I feel like it is destined for me and you to be together...There are times I feel like having a meal prepared by you although you suck at it but at least you tried...There are times I feel like saying how much you mean to me...There are times I feel like I'm not worthy and I don't deserve you at all...There are times I feel like a kid who makes silly mistakes but I'm more aware now...There are times I feel like you're everything to meal though I don't give much but I've learn much from you...There are times I feel like your name explains the meaning of unconditional love...There are times I feel like you're a bucket of coldwater who wakes me up from my darkest hour...There are times I feel like you're the only reason for my existence...There are times I feel like who am I without you...There are times I feel like I can't imagine if you din't know me...There are times I feel like our lips belong to each other...There are times I feel like an idiot who is angry all the time while you're there to laugh at me but I like that...There are times I feel like giving you more than I can and that's the promise I'll fulfill...There are times I feel like wondering what are you doing and will you be thinking of me?There are times I feel like spending the rest of mylife with you and I hope you feel the same too...There are times I feel like running away with you to somewhere nobody will stop our everlasting love...There are times I feel like wiping your tears away and kiss you whenever I make you sad...There are times I feel like saying "Sorry..." for what I've done...There are times I feel like I'm the luckiest dude in the world by having you by my side...There are times I feel like loving is not enough by repaying your deeds and therefore you can have my soul instead...There are times I feel like I ran out of words describing the way you make me feel but this is allI can do...Finally... there are times I feel like all I really really want to do is to be brave to go to you andsay "Hello..." before you walk past me... IDEA OF GOOD FRIEND1. In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.2. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.3. In second grade your idea of a good friend wast he person who helped you stand up to the class bully.4. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.5. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to bestuck do- si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.6. In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.7. In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.8. In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.9. In eighth grade your idea of a good friend wasthe person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball cards so that your room would be a "high schooler's" room, but didn'tlaugh at you when you finished and broke out intotears.10. In ninth grade your idea of a good friend wasthe person who went to that "cool" party thrown bya senior so you wouldn't wind up being the onlyfreshman there.11. In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.12. In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their newcar, convinced your parents that you shouldn't beg rounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nickor Susan, and found you a date to the prom.13. In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college,assured you that you would get into that college,helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...14. At graduation your idea of a good friend wasthe person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.15. The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for college and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to come over and send you off with a hug, a lot of memories, reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years,and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.16. Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, hold your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage ofyou, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten,helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer,stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!Thank you for being a friend.No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there She's in her parents bathroom,and she's crying all alone.She's staring at her reflection,and no one else is home.She's mad and she's depressed,she holds a blade in her right hand.She's lost her grip on lifewhile reality slips through her hands like sand.She's staring at her wrist,and envying it's perfection.She's planned this for so long,but nobody pays attention.She's made up her mind,and she's not afraid to die.She's not afraid of pain,and there's no need to say 'good-bye.'She's afraid no one will stop her,even though she hates her life.She's blank and she's tired,as she glances at the knife.She puts the blade to her skinand she knows what she is doing.She slit her wrist,but exactly whose life is she ruining?She's lying on the floorwatching her soul slip away.She's still crying and she's lifeless,in her head she starts to pray.She's closing her eyes and it's time for her to go.She whispers, "I'm so sorry,"but to whom... we'll never know.They have been married for two years.He loves literature, and often posts his work on the net, but, nobody ever reads them.He is also into photography, and he handle theirwedding photos.He loves her very much.Likewise with her.She has a quick temper, and always bullies him.He is a gentle man, and always gives in to her.Today, she's being "wilful" again.Her : "Why can't you be the photographer for myfriend's wedding? She promised she'd pay."Him : "I don't have time that day."Her : "Hmph!"Him : "Huh?"Her : "Don't have time? Write less of those novels,and you will have all the time you need."Him : "I...someone will definitely recognize mywork some day."Her : "Hmph! I don't care, you'll have to do itfor her.Him : "No."Her : "Just this once?"Him : "No."Negotiation's broken.So, she gaves the final warning: "Give me a Yeswithin three days, or else..."First day. She "withheld" the kitchen, bathroom,computer, refrigerator, television, hi-fi...Except thedouble-bed, to show her "benevolence".Of course, she has to sleep on it too. He didn'tmind, as he still has some cash in his pockets.Second day. She conducted a raid and removedeverything from his pockets, and warned, "Seekany external help, and you bear theconsequences."He's nervous now. Night. On the bed.He begs for mercy, hoping that she'll end this state.She doesn't give a damn. No way am I giving in,whatever he says. Until he agrees.Third day. Night. On the Bed.He's lying on the bed, looking to one side.She's lying on the bed, looking to the other side.Him : "We need to talk."Her : "Unless it's about the wedding, forget it."Him : "It's something very important."She remains silent.Him : "Let's get a divorce."She did not believe her ears.Him : "I got to know a girl."She's totally angry, and wanted to hit him.But she held it down, wanting to let him finish.But her eyes already felt wet.He took a photo out from his chest.Probably from his undershirt pocket, that's the onlyplace she didn't go through yesterday. Howcareless.Him : "She's a nice girl."Her tears fell.Him : "She has a good personality too."She's heartbroken, because he puts a photo ofsome other girl "close to his heart".Him : "She says that she'll support me fully in mypursue for literature after we got married."She's very jealous, because she said the samething in the past.Him : "She loves me truly."She wishes to sit up and scream at him : "Don't I?"Him : "So, I think she won't force me to dosomething that I don't want to do."She's thinking, but the rage won't subside.Him : "Want to take a look at the photo I took forher?"Her : ".....!"He brings the photo before her eyes.She's in a total rage, hits his hand away andleaves a burning mark of a slap on his face.He sighs.She cries.He puts the photo back to his pocket.She pulls her hand back under the blanket.He turns off the light, and sleeps.She turns on the light, and sits up.He's asleep.She lost sleep.She regrets treating him the way she treated him.She cried again, and thought about a lot of things.She wants to wake him up.She wants to have a intimate talk with him.She doesn't want to push him anymore.She stares at his chest. She wants to see how thegirl looks.She slips the photo out. She wanted to cry, andshe wanted to laugh.It's a nicely taken photo of herself.A photo he took for her.She bends down, and kissed him on his cheek.He smiled. He was just pretending to be asleep.You learn to love, not by finding a perfect person,but by learning to see an imperfect personperfectly...*when y0u l0ve s0me0ne, telL them.. y0u mite never kn0w when itz t0o late...*