ready? or not?

i'm leaving on a jet plane...



Well, ok fine, not exactly on a jet plane.. but im leaving. in 4 days. to where? to some ulu place.. where all you see is kampung, oil palm, pokoks, and suddenly, BAM!! one huge building there.

Went to see the college that day. Looks okay from outside.. but read on forum that the place sucks.. but the people are nice.

And im not prepared. Not prepared in a sense that forms are not filled, bags not packed, im not even sure i got everything i need! and most importantly, im MENTALLY not prepared. this is worse than National Service.



Yes, i know i have to learn to let go. But somehow i cant.. i find it hard.. To leave the life I have lived and enjoyed for the past 18 years. To somehow let go of the freedom i used to enjoy..

To pack up and go into a new world.. a world where im being controlled. Baju kurungs to class, long pants during exercise, food which dont really suit my appetite, having a roommate, studying with someone and not alone, lights out at 12am, asking permission to go HOME, eating according to time, having wardens nagging, sharing the TV in the common room, being controlled from mixing with the opposite gender, being held back from going to temple on Sundays..



Ask me if im sad. YES, YES i am. i am very very sad. and im so unprepared. i will miss so many things here.. my room, my home, my parents, my sister, my family, my frens, swimming, temple, freedom..
And i already miss those things now.. i dont know how im going to take it.

This is different from National Service.. NS was only for a few months.. and i could live on maggi for two months.. coz i know every Sunday i will get my home cooked meals.. and i knew before i left that i had people i know.. Calvin and Palmer.

But THIS is different. I will have to live with this for two years. What if i dont like it there? Its a place for me to STUDY.. if the place is not suitable for me, i will be in big trouble. I dont know how to explain.. its just different.

and words cannot explain how sad, and heavy hearted i am.. to wake up on tuesday morning, saying goodbye to my comfort..

but yes, this is life and life has to go on. I will need to learn to live out of my comfort zone and adapt to a new environment one day. So let it be now.. with people around to give me support.

To those reading this, i wana thank you for your support. I appreciate it very much. I will (hopefully) keep you people updated on my life in Kolej MARA Banting. =) Buddha bless all of you.

and to EVERYONE.. i will miss you so so much. Yehyee.. especially you.. =( sorry i do not have time to meet up with everyone before i leave..
and one more piece of sad news : my dad says he will pick me up on weekends that i am allowed to come back, but we will head towards KL. I will only be back in Melaka when i have long holidays.. so, ='(



Well, thats all for now. Gota go pack up now.

So take care everyone.. I will take good care of myself. =) and i hope all of you do too. xoxo.

p/s: despite all the emotional stress, theres a voice in me that says.. "Bring it on! Go Elynn! You can do it!"
Bleh.. i know.. im confused. but im determined. haha.