drowned.

ol. so that pic was my friendster profile picture. who cares. i am currently drowned in my worries. i dont look like im worried, or im drowning in it but i THINK i am. ask my friend. erm.. dont mana mention it here. Every two days or so i will look for him for advise, for motivation, and for confidence. despite having so many A's for trials, im not convinced and confident to get straights for spm. whats wrong with me? so yes, im drowning now. i have so many things to worry about. exam. SPM. future. scholarships. NS. HWC. weight. stamina. personal. health. tuitions. financial. him. family. friends. driving exam. expectations. and many others. of course, SPM first. and how i wish i can say this is my last post till after SPm, but i KNOW it wont be. LOL. sometimes i wish i can turn back time. but nope. life doesnt work this way. i dont want to grow up. i want to be the cute girl, the naive one, the one who cries coz i dont get the toy i want, the one who runs and plays with swings ans see saws without anyone laughing, etc. i dont like to grow up. coz growing up means the people around you will grow old. it means losing those you lose. it means going through suffering and sickness and eventually death. but the truth is, this is life. this is the gift of life we should cherish. the buddha said, life is suffering. we go through birth, suffer, we get sick, and we eventually die. nothing is permanent. sorry, im a strong buddhist. i was just looking through my blog. and i came across the post on mini camp. i wont be helping out in mini camp this year. =( SPM lah! anyway i had vegetarian dinner in SKE yesterday. and i gota say, Ske has a place in my heart. A place where it can never be replaced, i love that place. i had so much memories with it. and one day, as much as i want to go overseas and neevr come back, i promise i will be back to serve SKE. i will. =) and yes. i am sad and a lil depressed over some personal stuff. but its ok. i know my friends and family, and my numver 2-5 (go guess who), stil loves me and will always have my back. i hope. no matter what happens, i think its all karma, and theres always a way to correct what is wrong. and im glad my life so far has been fun, and extraordinary. going thru hardships is lumrah hidup anyway. haha what am i crappping again? oh, btw, SPM isnt the end of the world. thank buddha for that. but it does determine your future. great. so i have less than 3 weeks to determine my future. i wonder what the future holds for me, or rather, what am i going to do to determine my future. LOL. okok. its a long post. sorries. gtg. tata!