frustration.

its so frustrating when you have the mood to study but homework comes in the way, right? my exam is less than a month away and i have so little time to study but i still have to organise so so many things. im having these stomach ache since yesterday. and it's killing me softly.. and slowly. boleh mati. like theres water n all in my intestine which dowana come out when im in the toilet. so so suffering. makan aso no mood. duno will get thin anot? hungry.. but tak lalu makan. theres this thing i can never get it out of my mind. HIm. yes, there IS a him. WAS i mean. he wasnt really MINE. almost. sometimes i think back, and i keep asking myself.. what if THAT didnt happen. and WHY did it happen anyway? it was too soon.. we almost own each other.. but u spoiled it. ok, mayb i made u spoil it. so im at fault? even if im not at fault, u make me feel guilty. u didnt tell me the reason, u just suddenly POOF! disappeared. and didnt wana talk. so wats wrong? its been more than a year but each and every day i hope.. i just hope and wish, tht whenever my phone rings, an sms, a call, a msn message, a frenster message, an email, i just wish it was you. saying hi, and sorry. no, u dont have to say u're sorry. u just need to talk to me again. thts all i hope for. i miss the way you say goodnight. the way you tell me everythings gonna be ok. the way you ask me how my day was. the way you describe your day to me. the way you spell you 'frens' and 'coz'. the way you talk abt ur sch and teachers. the way you teach me stuffs i dont know. the way u comfort me. the way you miss call me. the sweet and short sms-es u send. i miss you.. and i still hope and pray.. tht every sms, at least one will b urs.. but thanks anyway, for wishing me on my special day. it means alot. and now.. life goes on..