thoughts of mine..

just being plain old me.. i have been really digging deep inside my heart and asking what i actually want and expect from life. i know its a little too young to plan what i want and need now, but i think its not wrong to be prepared for anything. so its me, elynn suah ee huei, the usual girl from mgss, who is always wanted by teachers and fellow friends. dont ask me why they love me so much, sometimes i myself want the answer. the truth is, im no different from any of the people alive today. i really dont know where to start from... u see, in life i know i've got so many things to do, and so many people to satisfy.. including myself. but as a human, i tend to lack confidence at times, be careless, angry, lose my temper, lose hope, etc. im like any other human. but some people, i do have to admit, look at me as if im superwoman. tho i would LOVE to be, but the truth is im not. at times i just pluck the courage and use up every ounce of strength left in me to go on. yes, i do have a really supportive family.. but sometimes family support is not all u need. dont get me wrong, my friends are supportive, just that at times they do let me down. being the so called "superwoman" in school, im often asked/requested to complete tasks that seem so "impossible" at the beginning but then at last turns out so well. for example : leading a pack of monkeys(haha.. joking), organising events, taking the blame or should i say standing up for people and of course myself, etc. well basically it narrows down to just.. dealing with humans. even sometimes when i feel like giving up, the faces and words of people around me encourages me to carry on. once there were rumours abt "spirits" hanging around in a class. i gotta admit, i was extremely scared at that moment but because of the people around me who looked at me to SAVEEEEEEE the situation, i plucked up my courage to step into that class (unfortunately the next day) and tell everyone that there's ntg to be afraid of. i bet my close friend could see the tears in my eyes. and as prefects we certainly do have to deal with stubborn students. sometimes i AM afraid to approach the GIANT REBELLIOUS students in school.. but because my junior/younger dear sisters/prefects ask for my help, i hide my fears, and do my job. so what point am i trying to make here? well the message im trying to send out (tho a bit blur), is that at times when u feel like giving up, just tell yourself that the people around you forbid that to happen. i know at times i curse and swear at those people, but i ensure myself, one day in future, i'll look back and say, "wow, i cant imagine what would have happened if they just let me give up" and eventually thank them. theres much more to say. hmm.. well as u people know, i am taking the queesn guiding chellenge. just as i were abt to giv up, here comes my teacher, saying to me "elynn, u MAKE SURE u make it ok. it's been a long time since we've had one in our school". and there i go "okieeee... hehehhee.. -.-"". never did i expect my teachers to put so much hope in me. dear people, sometimes i appear very knowledge-able but the truth is, im just plain old elynn suah. people expect me to excel in every single thing i do. sometimes the feeling of blowing up and bursting do come, but i force myself to take up the challenge even when i hate it so much. thankfully, being born as an adventourous person helps alot. people who are close to me often hear me saying "i dont wanna get married. i can live my life alone". hmm.. sometimes i wonder if i really mean it. being hurt in many ways, i've given up hope. especially in guys. haha! too bad. experiences in the past (tho i havent really BEEN in a relationship, but i was very very attached to hmm.. "people". hehe!) have taught me abt myself. when i watch movies/dramas, sometimes i do wish that i have my own knight in shining armour to support me, and giv me the sense of protection. aihz.. its just thoughts of mine.. which i dont think will come true.. based on my current attitude. oh well, im getting used to being ditched my friends. =) here, i would like to express my greatest gratitude and thankfulness to those around me. be it those whom have helped me so much, so little, or even those who let me down. if it wasnt for u people, i guess i wont be the elynn suah now who doesnt cry easily, and takes up every single challenge there is. what im doing today, is what i will remember in future. people think that im too busy catching up with outside activities and that i should stop. as in, paying full attention in my studies. oh yes, i have to say, studies is very important, but i just cant imagine myself being the "nerd". i just cant sit at the table, to finish reading the books. i will do it in another way. what method, i dont know, i guess i'll figure it out one day. all i know is, when im oder, i dont wanna regret not doing what i could have done. treasuring the times being young is the best thing one can do. besides, i only have 3 more years of being a teenager. when i touch 20, there isnt a word "teen" anymore. i will then be an adult where i can do things legally. hehe! oh boi i cant wait! but first, i've now gotta motivate myself. adios everyone! =)